MUSINGS (2)

We never really know what we would become,
Our Lives are really  not ours,
We never really know who we are becoming.

We get to be shocked by ourselves every once in a while,
People corner us into places where they benefit from,
Our Lives nose-dives and things fall apart.

We fail in business, our relationships, at work,
Some Lot lose their Jobs, no back-up plan, others stay in Jobs they can’t stand,
We can’t seem to find God in any of our mess.

We think of ending our lives, giving up,
Some actually end their Lives, others give up,
We beat ourselves up.

We can’t seem to wrap our heads round how we got here,
We had our Lives planned, we worked hard,
It shouldn’t be us, what did we do to be picked on by Life.

I do not know when it would be more than Fine,
But it would,
The purest Gold go through the Fiercest of Fire.

Just before you give up on life, try one more time,
When your world comes crashing down, remember you are not alone.
Just before you take your life, know that You are Loved by “All that is and would ever be”- I hope that is enough for You.

Your heart was broken, you said no to someone
Remember that doesn’t make you a Bad person,
You are awesome, and you deserve all the Love you can get or Receive.

 It is okay to start Life over again,
Okay to try one more time, It is okay to forgive yourself,
Okay to demand more out of Life.

It is okay to get to a very low point in your life,
It okay to Cry, and please let the tears flow when they have to,
Just make sure you are never going to cry over the same thing again.

Life in and of it self is fragile, delicate,
But Life  is also beautiful, full of twists,
Life is like a book. – Every book has a twist, something the readers never saw coming.

We cannot know the end until we get to the end,
So let’s not draw conclusions in the middle,
Good books are Suspense filled.

So where you are right now, is a suspense,
Get to the next chapter, you are strong enough for that.
Do not Give up just now.

And always remember that God seems farthest when He is closest,
And in all of Lifetime, in all of the existence of existence itself,
God has never stopped Loving YOU.
HE won’t Stop now or ever,
Because in the end God’s Love is the reason why you are here in the first place.

He made you, He made Life, He owns Life and He is Good- I hope this enough for you.

WHAT DO YOU SEE??

What do you see when You look me in the eye??
Hungry, Beggar, helpless, suffering, hopeless, I could continue you know.

Am I just an interesting piece of pity to you?
Let’s pity him with N10 you think, maybe N20, or N50, oh you are feeling so generous N100 you give me.

But am I truly that, have you ever wondered what happened to me, if I wanted this life. Have you ever stopped to listen to my voice, that voice my looks gives.

I once tried to speak to you before you got all generous, I tried to let you know I am real, also human just like you. I am not just my tag or label, I am Human.

I was born just like you were, not in a Hospital like you though, but I was born. I also took from my momma’s breast, not for long, but I have survived.

I once went to school, it was quite far but I persisted. The part of me that wanted a better chance at life kept me focused – It only lasted for a while though, my school was over ran by “THEM”, my teachers and parents became casualties of war, we the students ‘spoils of war’. But I ran away before I became like “THEM”.

My mother’s sister’s place became my refugee, a big family of fifteen they were – quite large you know right!

An abusive husband she has, but lovely woman she is. I lasted three months till the hunger at nights became unbearable, I tried to help the family but what could seven-year old me do??
The farms are becoming dangerous places- “the herdsmen curse” is wiping out farms and communities.  I couldn’t go to the farms.

A little stealing here and there, and I landed in trouble.
The angry mob is giving me the chase of my life,
See what hunger has caused oh.
I won’t steal again I promise them; I’ve been caught,
but they would have none of it.
Banishment from their lands, that’s my punishment.
I got off easy I am told, my age is my saving grace.
Death would have been mine, had I been…

My aunt is crying her eyes out, where would I be safe now she asks??
The Mallam!!
It comes to her, he’s been known to take in kids like me, and I would learn the path of our religion she tells me.

It’s a teary departure for me, no one has ever made me feel this safe since I lost my parents.
But I have to go, I have caused her enough trouble already. “The Mallam” isn’t in our community, he’s in a faraway land.
The land of “Fast Chariots”, one would be taking me there I found out, we can’t trek there.
My Auntie’s husband is doing me the honours, he is walking me down this aisle. My aunty can’t, it is forbidden.

“The Mallam” – a nice man, very tall with an eagle like face but a terrible snore. I almost ran away that first night, the gear changing part though is ….
I soon grew accustomed to it, and even made jokes with it with the other kids.

Yeah the other kids, there are others like me here- our total is about 75 for now. “THE MALLAM”- Teacher he is but Provider we are.
We must eat and He must teach.
That is our path, but I wonder if this how it was meant to be?

I dream also, not when I see- all I see then are nightmares.
But I dream when my eyes are open, mansions in the clouds you might call them.
I want to become a trader someday, build a canteen for kids like me, learn a skill, travel to “THE ABROAD”.

So when next you see me, listen to my voice. It’s in my eye.

I’m Human also.

 

IMAGINE

Imagine you were loved by a Supreme Being that loves you perfectly,
That the void you feel every now and then is your souls way of reaching out to him.

Imagine he is always watching over you, never leaving your side,
That all that is possible and impossible, is possible for you because you were made from all that is possible and impossible.

Imagine your dreams were just a few more hard work from getting fulfilled,
That who you are now is just a step to who you truly are.

Imagine you could enjoy every moment of your life,
That your 9-5 is really just a process.

Imagine you could do the things you have always wanted to do,
That you could love without holding back.

Imagine you could change your job, grow on your job, learn a new skill,
That you wouldn’t just be there, but that you would make a small difference.

Imagine you could start writing, drawing, speaking to teenagers, painting, photography and the likes on the side, because this is what you’ve always wanted to do.

Imagine you should hold on, instead of let go of this beauty.
Especially now that you’ve had an epiphany, and you can’t really pretend any longer.
Because if you let go, you would never know what your life would be holding them close to you, you did never see them smile smile back at you, just shoot your shot.

Imagine you were a very important piece of the world’s puzzle,
That you carry an answer to some of the world’s problems

Imagine you could stop worrying,
That all that would be, would still be whether you think of it or not.

Imagine you could do yourself the favor of Living,
That you could get lost in moments and truly come alive.

Imagine you could stop procrastinating on doing the thing that truly make you come alive,
That you would throw caution and fear out the window and do those things.

Imagine you had all the money you needed in the would,
What would be doing??

Imagine you were truly alive and fully immersed in each moments.

Life is truly beautiful, but perfectly limited by time.
Instead of just imagining your life, Live it.
You owe the world the true expression of yourself.

JUST SO YOU KNOW

Just so you know, failure isn’t really what you are scared of, Rejection is.

So you must know there are times people won’t get you, they just can’t fathom your dreams and aspirations. There are times people would try to discourage you from pursuing your dreams, it’s just unrealistic they would say.

There are times friends would turn against you, Lovers would become Ex and life would be threatening to come down on you. There are times when your path would become lonely- times when you are the only one that sees it.

There are going to be times when you would want to give up. At sometimes, you, literally would give up and believe what they said; your dreams are just too unrealistic- you tell yourself, but deep within you, you know it is what you were made for.

You must understand that Life doesn’t come easy, ease is a greater threat to success that hardship. You have to understand that you stand in the shadows of greats, and you have to stop worrying about people getting you; don’t worry they would come along, some might even attribute your success to how hard they pushed you.

Nobody believed Muhammad Ali was the greatest until He actually became the greatest, Albert Einstein was considered a dull young child, a Physics misfit but He gave the world the Theory of relativity.
Abraham Graham Bell was only trying to make a hearing aid for his girlfriend when He mistakenly invented the telephone. Abraham Lincoln failed countless of times before He became president.

Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison for what He believed in, Thomas Edison gave us a usable light bulb after thousands of failed attempts. Bill Gates failed in his first business, Henry ford gave us the V6 engine after failing multiple times in business. Walt Disney was considered unfit for Hollywood, Oprah Winfery unfit for television, they said.
Chimamnanda couldn’t even get her first work published.

But do you know what they all had in common apart from failure, they were all misfits in a way, “rejects of society”. People just couldn’t get them -“what’s all the fuss about” they thought.
But do you know we all don’t know the name of the man and woman who told them they couldn’t become something.

So know that your dreams would cost you, because value is directly proportional to sacrifice; you would be betrayed, rejected and let down, don’t let that kill your fire. Even Jesus had to go through those to save Us all, Joseph was let down by his own brothers.

Just go ahead and Live, and be free from people pleasing because whether you like it or not some people won’t get you- small minds can’t fathom great ideas, you would have your Judases, and yes, it wouldn’t be easy but please do not give up your dreams because whether you know it or not; it would make our world a better place.

So please Live, and embrace rejection, and be Free…
And Dream and please Dream Big.
And Work, and work and work more and see your Dreams come alive.

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Have a Blessed Thursday.

HOPE

A Life of twists,
Of looking forward to the day’s end because of someone,
Of bearing with traffic because it is worth it.

“Everywhere you go”, wasn’t so everywhere you go moments ago,
So you try them again.
Hey, How was your day? They ask, Hey, How was your day? They ask
In your head, you have prepared an answer already but, deep down you are glad to hear their voice.
Your heart leaps and cringes at the thought of the answer to that question.

How was your day??

As you think on the reply for that, your mind veers off into the abyss – where it all began.

It is 7 a.m in the city and it is Monday,
Men and Women are gentle till the bus shows face,
Comportment doesn’t matter after that,
Lateness to work is the beginning of wisdom.

But one wonder why one is still stuck in traffic by 8.30 a.m,
Hungry and Angry one resumes work,
Work desk is full with deadlines.

2 p.m and one wonders “why work”,
It is boring and routine-cious,
If only My Dad was say “Dangote or Otedola” one wonders,
Not three siblings calling with “Bros How far??”, “Shey you never forget us like this”

Adult-hood is the biggest scam of all,
Its freedom comes with a heavy price to pay,
No escaping this.

Oh you remember,
Landlord smiled at you this morning on your way to work,
Only to check the calendar, it is two more months before your rent expires,
Foodstuff is already done with.

A customer beckons, a smile plastered,
Daily bread has arrived, her card is trapped- She tells you,
We can do nothing to help you, you tell her
Truth is, you need more cards trapped- then you get more excuse to make more cards and more money for work.

It’s a cycle.
She screams and threatens,
You smile and apologize,
Nothing can be done you repeat.

5 p.m and home is on ones mind,
Only to be reminded of the grueling traffic that lays ahead,
Oh a container has fallen, blocking off the road,
You know you ain’t getting home till way past midnight,
You plug in your ear plugs to listen to “You make a way” by Travis Greene.

You know you would be back tomorrow and the day after,
But you Hope,
Because your story is still that of Hope,
Of a promise of a stable future,
Of Love and fulfillment.

A story of hope,
Of new beginnings,
Of silver linings.

A life of bouncing back,
Of coming back again and again in the face of opposition,
Of strength renewed when the sane thing to do is give up.

A story of Hope,
Of chasing forgotten dreams,
A story of Love.

So you Hope,
But now you don’t know the answer to “how was your day”
So you just say “FINE”.

STRONG

Be strong, men don’t cry, suck it up.

Real men are emotionless, a man doesn’t share his problems with others, don’t tell your woman most of your issues you come off as weak.

These were the words in my head when it happened, I had just lost my mum at only 21 and I couldn’t seem to find the tears to express how I truly felt inside.

Tears is a luxury, those that cry often don’t know the value of what they can do, we the heartless ones (or what do you call one that has forgotten just how to cry) know it to be.

Anyways, that is in the past now.

Those same words are in my head right now…

I have just lost my job and I can’t tell my wife, She just beeped me as is her custom to check up on me and the state of work everyday.
How do I tell her, her husband the father of her three children just lost his job? How do I tell her I wouldn’t be able to provide for the family for a while?
How do I tell her, her trip to Dubai this year might not be possible?

How do I tell her I have failed her and the Children?  I wouldn’t be able to look my children in the eye henceforth, school fees is what I would see
The least is 800k per term, where do i go from here? How do I meet up?

Oooo… Aunty Nike is calling, I’m sure she’s calling to remind me of the money she requested for last week.
How much is it again?
Is it not 250k??
She’s the last mother figure in my life but on days like today, I can’t afford to pick her calls.

I have been sacked without prior notice and no compensation is coming my way from the look of things, 15 years of my life down the drain just like that.

Hmmmmm…

What have I done to deserve this?
I am a good man.

And my savings that we should fall back on took a major hit from the financial crisis of last year as most of our investments didn’t do fine. I can’t think straight, I am blank.

God why is it hard to be a man, or what it is to be a man. I want to cry but I can’t find tears.
Just last year Niyi. my friend committed suicide after his factory got burnt. I thought that was extreme but am I not on that path already.

How do I go home tonight??
Look my wife in the eye and break the news to her, I just can’t!!
How would we feed in house? How do I even sustain the home?
Where would I get another job with the same privileges from??

I sense you are planning to tell me to start over again, but the truth is I can’t, my daughter, my two sons, I can’t watch them suffer that way, I can’t.

Maybe I would go Niyi’s way, atleast his family benefited from his insurance package, mine too can.

I am going through the third mainland bridge tonight, maybe this is the end…

P.S:

Men in the mid of their lives are more susceptible to commit suicide.
Men struggle to share their challenges and pain.
Men try to keep up the facade of strength.
We must challenge that norm.
We must help Men realise that isn’t weakness to cry and ask for help.
Please share with a man you know, let’s help them realise they are not alone in this.

 

WHERE DREAMS DIE

By the roadside,
I saw a knave, suntanned, cloaked in dirt
who, standing upon the ground,
like a famished hermit,
held out a bowl in his hands,
and sang a strange song:

“Allah ya ba ku, ku ba mu babiya Allah
Allah ya ba ku, mu samu babiya Allah”- Patrick Utitufon 

 

Two weeks ago…

I saw the car afar -off, but before I could scream his name he was mid air already. I heard him fall with a loud thud…

 

Help! Help!! Can anyone hear me, Help! Please don’t let him die, please don’t let him also go, Help!!

Why is everyone just gathered around us shaking their heads, no-one is saying or doing anything, why is there a dark cloud around them?

No! No!! This can’t be true, Never!!!

Where is the driver that caused all of this? Where is he??

No!! Not Hameed, how could this be happening now. We just lost Musa three days ago not to mention the others that have run off into the streets, this is not how it was meant to be.

Hameed don’t go, please don’t die on me, please Hameed I’ll help you meet your daily targets so you get to sleep on the bed henceforth.
I’ll go with you whenever Mallam sends you to Alhaji. I know you don’t like going there, I know he violates you but please don’t die. I’m scared, this was not the life our parents promised us.

They said we were coming to learn the way of our religion, become scholars eventually, be more useful to the society we were told. We were meant to be the future of our religion but…

Present day…

I am eleven, I’ve been here since I was four.  My parents brought me here to reduce the number of mouths to feed at home (that’s what I figured) and to educate me in the purest way I was told, my Dad always said train a child in the “way” before he becomes westernized.

I don’t know if I hate this system because days like this makes me more confused I have seen more deaths than I should have, heard about more rapes than my young mind can fathom.
I have witnessed first hand young boys like me getting lost in drugs, and crimes and how about those who have joined the insurgency up north.

Young girls are pregnant without knowing who the fathers are, young men like me don’t even know what the good life feels like- the last time I slept on a bed was when I was four.
I beg to eat now, at the mercies of the rich’s generosity. Friday’s are my best days though, everyone seems to be in a generous mood.

But I don’t know if these system should continue, people like Hameed die frequently from reckless drivers, people like Amina get pregnant easily from gang rapes, people like Musa join the insurgency for a few extra money, people like me don’t know if their dreams of becoming Lawyers would ever come to pass.

Myself and Hameed used to come to this spot, we used to dream about life far away from here.
He wanted to be a doctor – to build the first functioning hospital in his community, we used to talk about girls, sports (argue was what we did on this particular one), cars, the abroad.

Our Dreams to fly in an airplane was birthed here, I told Hameed on this very spot that I would one day be the president of the country and make sure that no child goes through what we went through.

Hmmmmm…

I fear I might one day be in Hameed’s shoes, but isn’t death better than this Life…

 

 

I AM A FEMINIST

I am a Feminist, oh! I can guess your reaction. Here they come again, all those jobless ladies with nothing to do than rant about equality and the likes, well i am different. Let me fill you in.

You see, I am a lady with dreams, an asset not a liability, with a purpose. I am simply a lady that has a life. I have a correct self-image, self-esteem and correct overview of life

You know, I know who I am: God’s own personal person. I believe He treasures me so much. In one word I am someone who knows who she is and who she isn’t and knowing I am loved by the force that controls the whole universe is enough for me.

I am not a lady looking for an identity, or seeking public opinion. I do not do relationships to belong or feel loved. I am beautiful, smart and fun to be with. I must admit that I make mistakes, yes I also do some stupid stuffs, but I’m not my mistakes.

I am not looking for love, I love myself and I am enough for myself, do I need people? yes I do, but am I desperate? Nope.

I am living my life and I will make mistakes, I will have people come into my life and use me, my God they will almost break me, but I have grown to become that lady who can  do without people. I would be hurt and I would cry, but all the rejections, all the pains, the heart breaks, the insults, the negativities, all of it would become stepping-stones to me becoming ME. I am finding myself and loving myself. My journey to become a feminist has been a long one, but if you think I want to become a better because of any man you must be kidding.

And just so you might know, I do not hate the idea of getting married to a good man soon and I love taking care of my dishes and I really do enjoy cooking but that is me. There are a whole lot of ladies and men alike that don’t like this stuffs, but that shouldn’t make them less of themselves. I wonder who made domestic work gender based, I still cannot reconcile how cooking is the test of how womanly a female is, because last time I checked feeding ones self is a skill everyone should have.

Feminism is not man hating neither is it man glorification, it is fighting for a fairer world, a one where gender is not a determinant to how high one can rise, a world where we are judged on ability not gender. I want to be able to pursue my dreams like anyone else and I don’t want a world where it is an anomaly to have a woman as an engineer, pilot, programmer, entrepreneur etc. I want one where it is normal, where women can aspire to even be presidents of nations and no one would dare raise an eye brow.

Yes I know even we ladies have done great injustice to ourselves with the way we treat ourselves but haven’t men also done so to themselves, I’m not advocating for laziness  here or break down of established principles but I am challenging the notion that a woman has to be less of all that she can be just because she is a woman. I believe all humans should be treated equal.

I’ll end with the  words of a friend “the whole idea of Feminism is not that women become good for men, that’s defeat of its essence. It is that women become good enough for themselves. What we are saying is whether or not there are men, women can still live wholesome lives. We question the idea of a woman’s life revolving around marriage. We believe in her individuality and want her to express this”. Maybe just maybe the whole idea of feminism is summed up in letting Humans express themselves as themselves not the way culture or any other thing wants them to.

I believe we should all be feminist.